The Chopper: The Real Story

This is a brand new book that just came out from Gestalten. Marie bought it for me for christmas. It's fucking awesome. I want to go right back to page 1 and read it all over again.

Oversize book. Nice paper stock. Very well produced. Good finishing details. Great layout. It's a functional and aesthetic accomplishment. Just excellent art direction all round.

The book charts the history of the chopper from bob-jobs and proto-choppers, through the legit 60's chopper craze, the fall of choppers, the rise of the shitty big tire custom crap, the fall of that crap, and the reinvigoration of the classic chopper scene today. Paul D'Orleans captures the full cycle (pun intended). And it's a glorious cycle indeed.

Paul is well-spoken and articulate, but definitely down to earth, too. He keeps the book flowing very well. But I have one gripe: the editor sucked. I caught at LEAST 8 typos in the book. Obviously it doesn't ruin the book, but they're unnecessary. Didn't someone read the damn thing from cover to cover before it got printed? Anyway...

This is a beautiful and informative book packed with great photos and information. If you ride a motorcycle you should own this book.

The Black Six

Here's an interesting one. The Black Six. Part blaxploitation, part biker flick.

We watched this for the last Motorcycle Movie Night and it got some surprisingly good feedback. Some people said it was the best biker movie they'd seen yet. Personally, it's nowhere near the best, but I get what they're saying. See, a common thread in biker movies is a complete lack of plot. But The Black Six had a very cohesive, linear plot. It made perfect sense, which is something you never say when watching a movie like this. So in that regard it's one of the 2 or 3 we've ever seen that actually made sense.

But that didn't make it great.

It stars six black american football athletes. So right there you know the acting is just as bad as any other 60's biker flick. Their supporting cast are just as terrible. So much either wooden or ham acting...oh man. But that's the charm, right?

Great intro music. It's a blaxploitation wah-wah fest ala Shaft. Super good. The Black Six all ride Triumphs, too. Which is sometimes comical given how large a couple of these lads are.

HERE BE SPOILERS:
The movie is about a black dude dating a white chick in a little hillbilly town. White chick's brother is a redneck and his motorcycle gang buddies kill the black dude. The black dude's brother is in the Black Six. They come back to town and settle the score with the rednecks who killed his brother.
------End of spoilers. Like anyone cares if I spoil a blaxploitation biker flick-----

I really liked how CHILL The Black Six were. Due to their non-acting background they just couldn't really inject any dynamism or drama into their roles, so they come off super laid back. It's actually pretty awesome. The complete opposite of white guy bikers. Now, part of this laid back attitude is certainly intended because they're just smooooooth. But part of it is a consequence of not being able to act. It's great, though.

Of all the bikers we've seen in movies this is definitely the gang you'd wanna hang out with.

As far as biker cliches go it was missing swastikas and rape. But it had an interesting take on incompetent local fuzz. It had bar fights, racism, and biker gangs 'terrorizing' a small town. Decent amount of open road scenes. No love in in the desert, though. Still, it was definitely a legit biker flick. But unlike any you've seen. Different perspective.

Anyway, this was a good take on the genre. Keep the shiny side up...

Hell's Bloody Devils

Watch this trailer. Seriously. I'll wait...



Now tell me what kind of movie this is. A biker flick, you say? Ohhhhh no. That's a cunning ruse to suck you in. Quite literally all of the biker action is in the three minute trailer. There isn't a roar of a bike anywhere else in this whole film. They just marketed it as such. We kicked off this season's Motorcycle Movie Night with this flick and the Flying Skülls were pissed! Well, it was actually pretty freakin entertaining regardless of the lack of bikers. But this is a biker movie night, not a generic grindhouse night. There are standards that need to be upheld!

Needless to say I was quite disappointed that this wasn't actually a biker flick. And if you removed the bikers from the film it would have actually made a little more sense. What kind of flick is it? It's fucking confused. Part James Bond, part cop movie, part gangster movie, and part pseudo-biker. It's all very strange and none of it is woven together with any inkling of skill.

We had a hard time figuring out who was who or what was honestly going on. There are neo-Nazis counterfeiting money, Israeli spies out to get the Nazis, undercover cops, gangsters and lots of hot chicks. I'll give it that. Lots of hot mommas.

Oh yeah, and lots of Fords. They seemed to have struck up a deal with Ford for gratuitous product placement. Cool shit.

The thing that made most people's night was the fact that there's a cameo by the real deal Colonel Sanders from KFC. It happens for no reason whatsoever. Again, keen marketing ploy I assume.

I'm bashing this film cuz it's totally misleading. BUT we've definitely seen worse biker flicks. So where it lacks in bikers, it makes up in good ol' fashioned entertainment.

Hitchhiking must have been so fucking awesome in the 60's and 70s. 

Hell's Angels: A Strange and Terrible Saga

My boy Jason loaned me Hunter S. Thompson's book on the Hells Angels. I swapped him with my copy of Sonny Barger's bio. Both sides of the coin.

This is a pretty fucking sweet book, man. I really don't know much about Hunter S. Thompson. Most people's introduction is Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. There's a doc on Netflix about him. I'll have to peep it.

This book is probably the defining example of gonzo journalism. Thompson is embedded with the Angels for a year. Rolls with them, parties with them, gets high with them, and eventually gets stomped by them. And he recalls it all here. It's pretty far out.

I dig Thompson's style. It's very down to Earth. He's clearly a good writer, a learned individual. But his diction and syntax is very approachable. The only thing better than reading this book would have been if Thompson had an 8mm camera with him the whole time to capture some of this crazy shit. At the time he just had his notebook, though.

Anyway, I've read quite a few books on bikers and/or for bikers. This ranks right up there, man. It's a trip. It starts a touch slow but really takes off. Thompson gives his own insight, his own opinion, but gives you social context, too. It's great from a journalistic point of view. He's clearly among the Angels, but nowhere close to being an Angel. 

The book gets exciting when he's documenting the Angels' weekend trips. It's craziness. Real class. 

If you've ever seen a 60's biker flick then you  know what you're getting yourself into. This is the literary equivalent. But real life is far crazier than the movies. That's for sure. If you ride a motorcycle; read this book.

Hell's Belles

We closed out this season of Motorcycle Movie Night with AIP's "Hell's Belles."

If you watch the above trailer or look at the poster you'll come away with a skewed perspective. The film isn't about a gang of biker chicks. It's not even really about one biker chick. The main protagonist is a dude, who's got beef with the Prez of a shitty ass excuse for an M/C. And in the midst of having beef, stealing cycles and whatnot, there's a hot momma who gets passed around from pillar to post.

I gotta say, Jocelyn Lane (the aforementioned hot momma) is one of the hottest chicks I've ever seen. She had all of us enraptured. Her skirt, boots, tight shirt. Good god. Hair, face. She's fucking gorgeous. And for some faggy-ass reason "the Cowboy" in this film doesn't want anything to do with her. He's given her. And he won't take her. Fucking MORON!

I'll do whatever you say, Jocelyn.

Anyway, the soundtrack is pretty good. Fuzzy guitar stuff of the era. Coincidentally, Marie went to LA last week and came home with a copy of the Hell's Belles soundtrack on vinyl for me. Kick ass!

There are no boobs, no swazis, no rape, no pillage, no "real" biker gang unless you count these fruitcakes on scramblers wearing turtlenecks. It doesn't really hit all the bases. But it's still a legit biker film. Adam Rourke from Hells Angels on Wheels is in it. He's fucking great, man. But everyone else pretty much sucks.

This movie is well worth seeing just to be mesmerized by Jocelyn Lane. If she wasn't in it, it'd be a dud.

Hells Angels on Wheels

Watched this a few days ago. Jack Nicholson rules hard in this quintessential biker flick from the late 60's.

This one is another one that actually employed the acting talents of the real Hells Angels. But the movie augments their brilliant acting with some actual actors. And it works. They got some decent talent in the film. I wouldn't get carried away; these aren't Academy Award winning performances, but it's good shit nonetheless.

This film has it all. Bar fights, swazis, ravaging a small Cali town, rape (if I recall), crazy headgear, and even a biker wedding. First one of those that we've seen.

Oh wait, there's one thing it doesn't have at all: a plot. This one is completely devoid of plot. I mean, truly. They chase some sheep. They do donuts in a park. They get hassled by the Man. It was shot in 13 days and it kinda shows.

Anyway, I don't have anything revelatory to say about Hells Angels on Wheels that I haven't already said in any other biker flick that employs the words "Hell" or "Angel" in the title. Laszlo Kovacs (Easy Rider, Hell's Bloody Devils, Psych-Out) did the cinematography. It's legit, man. This is one of the most professional flicks we've seen thus far.

I want to watch it with the commentary. Bet it's gonna rule.

Angels Hard As They Come

Angels Hard As They Come. Great title, huh?

Another notch in our belt of classic biker movies. Tonight's was...different. It was the same, but different. It had a truly sinister edge to it like Satan's Sadists. And some particularly good acting, given the context. Plenty of incredible choppers, and some really nice boobs.

Biker gang terrorizes hippies. Biker gang tries to run a train on a hippy chick and things go south for everyone involved. Bikers vs. bikers. Weed, LSD, rape, silly headgear, hippies, and groovy music. Desert scenes, trikes, sissy bars, and switchblades. It's all there, brother.

Plenty of gratuitous scenes of choppers riding through canyon roads and open desert. It's good shit.

The sketchiest part of this movie was one of the M/C presidents. He was a Manson stand-in. This film came out a  year after Tate's murder, they literally reference the murder in the movie, and the "bad guy" prez looks like Manson. Not righteous, man.

I don't know if the transfer we watched is solely responsible for the extremely high contrast and darkness, but yeah...the cinematography left something to be desired.

Oh, did I mention Gary Busey plays a wimpy hippy?

You can watch the whole flick on YouTube above. We streamed it on Amazon Prime this evening. I wouldn't watch this as an introductory biker flick. But if you're a connoisseur of the genre, then it's a must-see.

Born Losers

Watched another one of the infamous biker flicks produced by American International Pictures. Born Losers was fucking great.

It clocked in at 2 hours. Pretty rare for a 60's biker flick to be that long. Anyway, it ruled, so it's all good.

This is the first in a series of flicks about a character named Billy Jack. I've never seen the other movies and I don't care to. But Born Losers is where it all kicked off. It's got all the trappings of a true biker flick: swazis, rape, terrorizing a peaceful town, incompetent fuzz, you name it...But no bar right for some reason.

Anyway, I streamed it on Amazon and the transfer was outstanding. It looked freakin HD, which is very rare because normally the transfers are pretty shitty and grainy. The cinematography had a sort of documentary feel to it.

Not much in the way of fuzzed-out guitar. It didn't have much of a score. It was more bare-bones.

Acting ranged from abysmal to pretty good in some instances, most notably the prez form the Born Losers, D.C. Oh, speaking of D.C., his gang-members included Crabs (so called because he had the STD of the same name), Child (named after the Christ Child), Speechless (who was a deaf mute) and Gangrene (who I imagine had gangrene at some point).

The plot was crap. They really milked the two hours getting to the point. In fact, there's not point in talking about the point. It's pointless.

No boobs. But quite a few androgynous chicks, and some real hotties in bikinis. The main chick rides around in go-go boots and a white bikini on her Honda. Pretty rad.

There's a scene where a couple of the dudes kiss each other for kicks. Ummm..yeah.

There were some classic lines in the film. It didn't disappoint script-wise. You had the cop who said something like, "Listen up faggot, how about you and I go down to the station and I lock you in the cell with me. We'll see who makes it out alive." (or something to that effect) And the craziest/best line delivered from the chick in go-go boots, "You know the old saying, if rape is inevitable you might as well relax and enjoy it."

Alright, I've dropped enough jazz on your mind for now. Go watch the movie.

Sleazy Riders

Got this bad boy in the mail the other day and read it super quick. This is my third book on biker movies following the Big Book of Biker Flicks and Two Wheels Two Reels.

Sleazy Riders is by far the most entertaining of the trio.

Dr. Wyatt James picks about 45 of the sleaziest biker flicks (read TRUE biker flicks) and basically just spoils the plot and gives his personal opinion on them. He offers very little in the way of additional information on anything. If you got rid of the plot synopsis and the related-actors parts...you might have one additional paragraph of new info per film. So you can't buy or read this for the information. It's just about the reviews and the comments. And moreover, it turned me on to a few flicks that were missing from the list I'm keeping (up to 93 "real" biker flicks, I believe). James lists 66.

The layout is good and the commentary is candid and funny. It's definitely an entertaining read. If you're into biker flicks then I'd highly recommend getting this. It's a great primer on the classics if you haven't seen that many. This is the best place to start.

James has a sleaze-o-meter for each movie. He tallies up the following key biker flick attributes with an iron cross if it contains: a biker gang, terrorized locals, choppers, rape, oddball headgear, bar fight, and/or naked flesh. These are the holy elements of all good biker flicks. He could have chosen some others like orgy in the desert or fuzz-tone guitar soundtrack.

There are some good stills and movie posters, but nothing you haven't really seen before. But whatever, this is a good read. If you like biker movies, this is a must-have.

Hell's Angels '69

Finally saw Hell's Angels '69 and it did not disappoint!

I've almost seen all the AIP biker flicks now. Just a couple more to finish that batch. This one was important, though. It features the real Hells Angels as co-stars in the film. Sonny Barger and Terry the Tramp have some serious screen-time. Sonny's not much of an actor, though, let's be honest. Terry looks like a bonefide caveman. Straight up Venom style with those leather gauntlets.

Hells Angels '69 has a legitimate plot. This in and of itself is unheard of in the biker flick genre. But this has passable editing and a passable plot. Obviously it's full of continuity errors, shitty acting, bad audio synching, and the whole nine yards, but still. The bar has been set from a somewhat professional level (not including Easy Rider which of course is the gold standard and on a whole other level than any biker flick before or since).

This movie covers all the biker cliches with the exception of boob shots and a dessert love-in. Otherwise it's all taken care of. The bikes are truly amazing. It's pretty awesome to see REAL Hells Angles from the 60's. Their bikes were phenomenal. Some really great camerawork showing the whole crew riding from various vantage points. It's pretty rad.

Everyone was impressed with this flick. It was given a "top 5" status by the Flying Skülls.

You can stream it now on Amazon Prime for free or I think you can catch the whole thing on YouTube.... Do it up!

Scorpio Rising

If you're into homoerotic bikers and do-wop then boy do I have a film for you!

I came across Kenneth Anger's 1963 short film, Scorpio Rising, when I was researching biker flicks. Wikipedia mentioned that Nazis rioted upon its release, it had the occult in it, and lots of bikes. What's not to love? James Dean and Marlon Brando? I'm in.

It's a half hour. No dialogue. Just 50's pop. It features loads of bikers. Gay ones. Jesus. And Hitler. It's crap. All the Harleys and Triumphs in it couldn't save it from being shit.

I wanna watch his other flick, Lucifer Rising, based on the title alone. But god knows what that'll be like judging by this one. I'll skip it for now. And you should skip this.

the Hellcats

We've watched some bad biker flicks, but this was downright shitty. Straight up not good. Not even so bad it was good. It was just bad. Pickin up what I'm puttin down?

Some hot mommas in it. And some rad freakin bikes. But even hot chicks and chrome couldn't save this from being the worst biker flick we've ever seen.

Thankfully we're moving past the Hellcats and into some classics in the upcoming weeks. We've got Hell's Angels 69, Hell's Bloody Devils, CC & Company and Born Losers all in the pipeline. They look awesome.

As purists we have to watch ever flick ever done, and that means crap like the Hellcats has to be endured. The cyclops chick in the movie was freak hot! But she looks retarded in the poster. They couldn't even capitalize on that. Sheeeeit.

the Pink Angels

This was a shocker! Holy shit.

As you know, the Flying Skülls are making our way through every biker flick in history. This endeavor even includes watching homosexual satire biker flicks, too.

The Pink Angels came out in 1972 after the biker genre had peaked. By this point they had started mixing genres to attract new audiences. Horror-biker, femme-biker, Nam-biker, black-biker...and ultimately once they'd ran out of options...gay-biker.

The Skülls were skeptical, but the film was funny as fuck. It couldn't be denied. In many ways it was identical to all the other flicks of the era. 90% of the film had bikes in it, there were fake mustaches, horrible edits, poor audio synching, a campy script, shit acting, a paper thin "plot", a desert love-in, swastikas, sexism, sub-par rock music, everything you'd want. It had all the hallmarks of a great/horrible traditional biker flick. Except the six protagonists were flamers.

Honestly, it was hilarious. We loved it. Better than a lot of the "serious" flicks we've seen from that era. But the ending...holy fuck! I won't mention what happens...but we were all pretty shocked and perplexed.

I consulted my books on the biker flicks (yes, I have more than one) and they didn't offer a whole lot of insight other than it was the Director making a comment on how the counterculture of the 60's was treated by the establishment. It's a bad trip, man.

Anyway, I totally recommend tracking this down.